I have been participating in The Magic Spreadsheet, which means I and many other writers are writing on their projects every single day.
This is a super awesome tool that I absolutely love. I even wrote on the first day of my period – which is normally impossible – and I wrote late one night when I was totally exhausted. My husband has been extremely supportive in this endeavor, which is so cool.
That said, I am wracked with self-doubt. This has been accentuated by a recent clash I had with someone. I don’t want to get into it too deeply, but the general idea is that their problems were plaguing my mind continuously. For some reason, everything I did to help them triggered the feeling of guilt within me, though I was attempting to be courteous and helpful to the best of my knowledge. This made me stew more and more, causing guilt and anger to boil through my veins almost continuously.
Sometimes, I just have to write through situations like this, although this is actually the hardest thing to do. I am trying to learn and grow from this relationship. Why did this person’s personality clash so forcefully with mine? Once I understand this, I feel like I can actually utilize it in my writing.
In fact, I have a character who is similar to the person I clashed with. In my novel re-write I am putting one of my two protagonists almost completely in that person’s mercy.
So, though I am writing every single day, I think I am at that point in my writing where everything I put on the page looks crappy to me – although it’s all necessary and moves the story along. Also, since writers always write themselves into their stories, both protagonists are just digging themselves deeper into the hole they are in right now, which makes me feel guilty because it’s like I’m digging myself deeper into a pile of horse manure. I know how it ends, but I’ve got about 50,000 words to go before I get there.
So, time to cheer up. I leave you with dancing Storm Troopers.
*Update: I am rereading On Writing by Stephen King, which seems to have been written just for me. Here’s what I just read that cheered me up immensely (it’s about him writing Carrie): “Running a close second was the realization that stopping a piece of work just because it’s hard, either emotionally or imaginatively, is a bad idea. Sometimes you have to go on when you don’t fee like it, and sometimes you’r doing good work when it feels like all you’re managing is to shovel shit from a sitting position.” Thank you Stephen King for putting my feelings into words.